There are really only 7 or 8 distinct types of shops in Uganda, and they are usually called something really distinguishing like “Supermarket”, “Mechanic”, or “Yogurt”. Among the ones who do break the mold, there seems to be a tie between names evoking God and names evoking Obama. (That man hasn’t had any issues with high expectations now, has he?) All “Obama Chapati” stands and “Obama Car Washes” aside, I’ve been collecting some of the religious storefronts for a long while now.
Most are dull and I’m wholly disappointed at how inhumorously Ugandan craftsmen make use of the whole carpenter thing but, oh well, here are some of the INTERESTING ones for you to enjoy:
- Our Lady of the Miraculous Daughter of Medal—Scrap Metal and Parts
- A nice name. Not much to do in the line of catchy advertising, though.
- Jesus Saves Gasoline and Spare Parts
- I feel like this one needs some punctuation, or perhaps the son of God drives a hybrid.
- Holy Jesus Perfect Snack
- This one could also use some punctuation, but I’d prefer something like “Holy Jesus! Perfect Snack!” I feel like the big man wouldn’t mind his name being used in vain, if it was used in vain with such enthusiasm!
- Jesus Saves City Supermarket
- Tabloid headline?
- God City Complex
- I prefer to believe that “city” is not really there.
- Heaven Corner Spot View Joint
- Way to cover your bases, but I think you need to figure out what your restaurant really is.
- Mother Mary Saloon
- This becomes less funny when you know that “saloon” is an oft-misspelled version of “salon”, but I bet if you had a son with power to turn water into wine you’d try to capitalize on it too!
- Holy Spirit Saloon
- Ditto. But….awesome.
- Garden of Eden Eating
- I LOVE the play on words. A little worried about what they’re serving in there, but I bet they’re persuasive…
- O Lord Pork
- This fried pork joint is another place that could use a punctuation pick-me-up.
- God is Good Pork
- Yeah, no punctuation is saving this guy. Yum?
- Divine DVDs
- If Jesus came back in the modern age, I’m pretty sure he would get into the pirated movie movement, right?
- Saviour Shelves, Sofa Sets, Dressers, Beds, etc.
- The list of available products painted onto their sign was actually quite exhaustive, but I couldn’t quite get over the beginning part. Given that people in my area don’t pronounce “h” when it follows “s”, it is very plausible that someone would pronounce this as “save your selves!”
- Holy Tailors
- I mean, really? I couldn’t make this stuff up.
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Jesus Milk
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No comment.
