Don’t Scam Fulumpa District

November 8, 2011 · Filed under General

Introduction to Scamming 101: Uganda Style 

(tagline: so nonsensical you almost buy it because, hey, it’s Uganda!)

I get a call from a private number.

• Him:    Your Airtel internet modem number has been selected to win a prize!
• Me:      This is not my modem number, this is my phone number.
• Him:    (silence)
• Me:      You know, because you called me on my phone.
• Him:    (silence)
• Me:      What’s my prize?
• Him:    You have won a motorcycle!  And many other fun and amazing prizes.
• Me:      Like what?
• Him:    Many amazing things!  Free free!  Are you near a shop?
• Me:      Uhhhhh….kind of.
• Him:    Okay get a pencil and write down what you need to do.
• Me:      Okay.
• Him:    Quick run and buy 22,000 shillings of airtime, an exercise book, and a pen.
• Me:      Wait, what?  (I make him repeat it about 3 times)  Why do I have to buy things to win my free prizes?
• Him:    What is your name and where do you stay?
• Me:      My name is *mumble mumble*, I stay in Bunyaruguru.
• Him:    Where?
• Me:      Bunyaruguru.
• Him:    Okay good. We will be in Bunyaruguru town tomorrow and you will get so many prizes!  Just buy 22,000/= airtime.
• Me:      There is no Bunyaruguru town, that doesn’t exist.
• Him:    What?
• Me:      There’s no town called Bunyaruguru.  It’s a county.
• Him:    Oh, what is your district?
• Me:      Fulumpa District
• Him:    Oh, yes, yes.  The same.  We will be in the town council of Fulumpa District tomorrow.  Amazing prizes!
• Me:      It doesn’t exist.
• Him:    What?
• Me:      Fulumpa District.  I made it up, it doesn’t exist.
• Him:    Madam, I’m beginning to suspect that you do not wish to receive your prizes!
• Me:      I’m also beginning to suspect that. 
• Him:    (silence)
• Me:      You can leave my motorcycle at District Headquarters—Fulumpa.

*click*

Isn’t it your dream to relive all of my telephone conversations?  Well, I thought it was funny.