To access internet here in rural Uganda, I have a personal modem, similar in size and form to a flash drive, which plugs into my USB port and connects to the great-world-beyond via the mystical airwaves of the mobile phone carrier of my choice. Well, I live in a swamp, so I don’t get a choice. Thank you Airtel, for bringing cell and internet service to the swamps of Uganda.
Anyway, when you plug it in, there’s a start-up screen that also shows you statistics on how much “data” you’ve used. I, or rather the US taxpayers, pay to receive 250 MB of downloaded/uploaded information per month. This means I get to open approximately three Web pages per month. Just kidding, but I do have to monitor my usage which, I have found, is not easy despite the statistics. I’ve never understood how some months I could go under by 100 MB or swing way over by 50. And today, I have discovered why. If you scroll down the one miniscule 1/4 inch to see the only line of text not visible on the main screen, you are treated to these words:
Note: Statistics may not be accurate.
Oh, bless you Airtel. Thank you for bringing new duplicitous meanings to the word “understatement”. Just for fun, here are a few other realms of Ugandan life that I feel need small-print caveats at the bottom:
- Menus
- Note: Many, most, or all food items listed here may not be available
- Taxis
- Note: Driver may have never intended to reach the final destination for which he’s been hired
- Internet Cafe
- Note: Electricity not always included
- Electricity
- Note: JK…suckers!
- Chocolate
Note: This is not chocolate.
- Anti-malarial Medication
- Note: Severe paranoia that the drug may soon cause you to become severely paranoid is still a side effect.
- Propane Stoves
- Note: Non-explosiveness not guaranteed. Made in China.
- Locally Available Q-tips
- Note: Lots of tip, very little Q.
- Pirated DVDs
- Note: Even though you think you may have bought Harry Potter 7, this is probably a showcase of Shania Twain’s Greatest Videos (but you will probably also find that it is awesome)
- The Local Language
- Note: The word for “water” is the same as the word for “pooh” so….good luck with that.
- Meetings
- Note: You should’ve brought a sandwich.
kenton said,
January 26, 2012 @ 12:58 am
Whenever I read your blogs I always think of a great Holden Caulfield quote, “What really knocks me out is a book that, when you’re all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.” I’ve often felt that way and for once its true!